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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25847938">Closet Confessions</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrimesAgainstHorn/pseuds/CrimesAgainstHorn'>CrimesAgainstHorn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>My Mad Fat Diary</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Romance, Teen Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 05:28:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,325</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25847938</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrimesAgainstHorn/pseuds/CrimesAgainstHorn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Rae told Finn about her feelings for him during Spin the Bottle?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rae Earl &amp; Finn Nelson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Closet Confessions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I think we can all agree the closet scene is amazing. But...I've wondered what would happen if *that* was the moment where Rae and Finn's relationship changed. I've used some of the original dialogue and then obviously added my own. I'd love to hear what you all think! Thanks for reading!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As the bottle spun, it started to feel like the room itself was spinning around me, away from me. Please, not Finn. I wished for Archie. We could just have a chat. I wished for Chop--a friendly fumble. I just didn’t want it to be someone embarrassing (I’m sorry Danny). Or worse: Someone who would be embarrassed to go into the closet with me. Someone who would be embarrassed to kiss me. </p><p>The bottle spun and spun, slower and slower until it stopped to my left. Fuuucckkk. Finn it was. I didn’t even dare to glance in his direction. The oohhs and ahhs started from the circle. I could see Finn get up and walk straight to the closet from the corner of my eye. I threw Archie and Izzy a quick, annoyed smile and followed Finn into the closet. </p><p>Jesus, it was smaller in here than I remembered. He faced me and we were so close I worried one small wobble from either of us and my boobs would graze his chest. I could see every freckle on his beautiful face, could trace them along his nose with my eyes. I would love to trace them with my fingers one day. Preferably when we were both naked.</p><p>“Why are you being such a complete knobhead to me?” His brow was furrowed. I shook my head, startled at his directness.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“I apologized to you for how I acted when we first met, but that was before I knew you. One minute you’re nice to me and the next you’re nothing but rude.”</p><p>Oh no, oh no. Why did I listen to Danny Fucking Two-Hats?! Tension?! What did that even mean? I let a literal mad man dictate my love life.</p><p>“I didn’t mean to be rude.”</p><p>“Yeah well maybe it just comes naturally to you then.” His voice almost sounded like a growl, like something primal and raw. </p><p>The music outside kept playing. Through the door, I could hear the cackles of the partiers and their muffled voices. Through the noise, Chop yelled, “Thirty seconds left, love birds!” Thirty seconds. Just gotta get through thirty more seconds of this torture. </p><p>“It’s not that simple,” I said, casting my eyes down.</p><p>“Yes, it is that simple. Either ya want to be my friend or ya don’t.” </p><p>Before I could even think it through, I blurted out, “Maybe I don’t want to be your friend.”</p><p>Finn’s head moved back a beat and tilted, like he was readying to take a slap. I could see confusion and even pain in his face. </p><p>“What? Why not?”</p><p>Shit. Was I really going to do this? I lifted my eyes to meet his and held his gaze, hoping that everything I wanted to say would come across through my stare.</p><p>“Maybe….I don’t want to be your Friend,” I said, emphasizing the word “friend,” suggestively. </p><p>Before Finn could say anything, the door swung open. Chopper, his stupid jester hat jingling as he bounced in the doorway, announced, “Time’s up, love birds!”</p><p>I started to turn away, to leave, when an arm shot across my path. Finn.</p><p>“Sorry mate, we’re not done in here yet.” He pushed the door closed in Chop’s face. </p><p>I looked at Finn in disbelief. Holy shitballs. What was happening here?</p><p>He stepped closer to me than he had even been when we first walked in a minute ago (had it really only been a minute?). </p><p>“Rae, what do you mean about not wanting to be my friend? Have I done something to upset ya? Or is it something else you’re not telling me?”</p><p>I looked down and took a breath, trying to steady my thoughts so I wouldn’t start spinning out.  Should I tell him? How could I tell him? Look at him and look at me. </p><p>“Finn, it’s nothin’, really.”</p><p>“No, it’s something. Please, Rae. You can tell me. Hey, look at me.” I glanced up and could see him tilting his head down, trying to meet my eyes. He had the smallest start of a smile on his face, the first glimmer of such a look I had seen since I was a total bitch to him about the CD’s. </p><p>“Trust me,” he said.</p><p>And that was what it came down to. Do I trust him? Everything I had ever known about people as gorgeous and popular as Finn was that they were crap to people like me. People who were mad, and fat, and strange. Movies, tv, magazines all said the same thing: pretty people go with pretty people. But then I thought about the person standing in front of me. Finn. My Finn. Finn literally punched someone for me. I was lucky he had been there that day. Though...why was he there? All the other lads had left. The only person still there was me, and I had been a total dickhead to him about the tapes. Why hadn’t I thought about this before?</p><p>“Finn, how did you end up being there that day when those blokes were bothering me?” </p><p>Finn shook his head, “What? What does that have to do with what we’re talkin’ about?”</p><p>“I know it sounds crazy. I just need to know. Why didn’t you leave with the other lads? When I came out the loo, I saw you at the table.”</p><p>Finn looked down then back up again, shyly, wringing his hands in that adorable way he had done before when talking to me. </p><p>“Well, when you ran off to the loo, I saw your skirt,” he glanced back down again, which I took as a moment of respect for me, like he was embarrassed we were talking about my period. That made two of us.  “I waited because….” His voice trailed off and he spread his hands open in front of him. “Well, I guess I don’t know what I was gonna do,” he continued. “I just knew I didn’t want to leave you alone. But I never saw you leave. I figured you snuck out, then I heard those knobheads and knew what was going on. I’m just sorry I missed seeing you leave. You shouldn’t have had to deal with that lot.” </p><p>I smiled at him and nodded. Now I knew what I should have known from the start. I can trust him. Here goes nothing.</p><p>“Right. The reason I’ve been acting like a dickhead is because I like you. More than a friend.” </p><p>There I had said it. Finn started to open his mouth, but I kept going, “I know I’m not the kind of girl you fancy and that’s fine. I don’t expect you to like me that way or anything, but I just don’t want you thinking I don’t like you because that’s just not true, Finn. And I’m so so--</p><p>Before I could finish the sentence, his lips were on mine. His hand felt soft on my left cheek. </p><p>Even though it felt as delicious as I had dreamed, I shook him off and pushed away. In fact, pushing people away was probably the thing I did best, apart from making mix CD’s. </p><p>“You don’t have to kiss me ‘cause you feel sorry for me,” I whispered to him. </p><p>Finn looked at me with complete confusion and maybe the tiniest bit of bemusement, like he just could not believe the words I said. </p><p>Looking me straight in the eye, not even blinking, he said, “I’m not kissing you because I feel sorry for you. I’d never do that. I’m kissing you ‘cause I want to.” Then he put his hand on my cheek again, rubbed the space just behind my ear with his thumb. He waited a beat, to see how I reacted. I pushed my face closer to his hand, closing my eyes for the quickest moment, knowing that my life was about to change. And for once, I was looking forward to it.</p>
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